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Sicko

I caught a cold this past week, which was not a raucously awesome time. I didn’t get sick last winter, though, so this year I was pretty much doomed. It’s like hitting too many green lights in a row:...

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Pretempathy

I am not always exactly the tops at compassion and human fellow-feeling. Various individuals who have been patient enough to live around me over the years can attest to this quality; they have all...

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Trust Me

I like being an expert on things. If there were a way to harness this “internet” thing to regale imaginary strangers with long stories they don’t care about, I would definitely be all over that. I...

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Not Writing

Not writing is so, so, so much easier than writing. Even so, it is a specialized skill, and you can improve through dedicated practice.The art of not writing is different from regular procrastination....

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The Future Is Now

I was writing instructions for my office fax machine last week......when I made an error that opened my eyes to the possibilities we could have realized if technological development had taken a...

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Objects in Head Are Further Than They Appear

I’m finally watching Breaking Bad. For my fellow latecomers, it’s a TV show that follows the heart-warming story of a middle-aged chemistry teacher destroying his family as he becomes a drug lord to...

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Secrets

Lots of people have life-altering secrets.Some of them aren’t even Harry Potter characters.I have a few secrets of my own, and of course they are clearly in the same class.There’s an art to keeping...

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Crime of the Century

My car is pretty distinctive. It’s a late-1980s, white stripe–tired, Elderly Gentleman Land Yacht. In sky blue.This instant recognizability makes me feel extra bad about doing stupid things in traffic,...

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Object Lessons

I talk to inanimate objects a lot.These are typically not the most thrilling conversations.They hardly ever respond to me.In fact, sometimes I think they aren’t even listening.I hadn’t realized just...

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Every Time You Go Away

I’ve been drawing pictures for work again.They’re very logo-centric illustrations, though, and I’ve been keeping the name of my employer off of my blog in case the organization is not especially...

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I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

I overheard one of the older ladies at my office taking down an email address over the phone a while ago. She did the best she could with her existing knowledge base.It reminded me of many, many...

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Goes Great with Circuses

Bread is pretty much the greatest thing. That’s why no human advancement is ever “the best thing since sliced turkey.”I was reflecting on this starchy truth while making toast the other day, and I...

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Three Times Fast

Repeat after me:CinnamonCinnamon M&MsCinnamon M&M anemoneCinnamon M&M anemone enemyCinnamon M&M anemone enemy ended!Celebrate!

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Universally Acknowledged

I’m currently rehearsing for a play. On an entirely unrelated note, if you are in Albuquerque between September 14th and October 7th, you should go see a show at the Adobe Theater in the North Valley....

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Painted Lady

Until very recently, all of the makeup I owned was purchased for my high school prom, Class of 2004. I take that back—there was one set of eye shadow that my grandmother gave me after cleaning out her...

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For the Faint of Heart

You know what is really a good move? Pumping enough blood to your brain. I recommend doing it as often as possible. If you can’t manage that, though, the next best option is failing at this activity as...

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Gimme Five

High fives work best if you focus on the other person’s elbow.I learned this bit of wisdom a couple of years ago, and just a few weeks later it proved to be spectacularly true. A friend and I achieved,...

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Scrambled or Fried

I started drinking coffee occasionally a couple of years ago, and the habit has been picking up steam ever since. Until recently, though, I managed to stay firmly in denial about the chemical...

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In Stitches

This is a pincushion.The items in it are very useful for sewing projects and pushing tiny reset buttons. They also belong one hundred percent outside of the human body at all times.I neglected that...

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I am sure this paragraph has touched all the internet users

I’ve started getting a lot of spam comments on this site. Of course, it’s perilous to assume—maybe I just have a lot of anonymous fans who really want to get me a deal for online casinos and Spanish...

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